I hate this feeling. I remember this feeling. This is what I’ve been trying to avoid all along. My pride went crashing down, tonight and i hate it.
I constantly put pressure on myself to be great, naturally. But in actuality, greatness comes with practice. If i don’t practice my craft, how could i expect myself to be great? I expect too much out of myself. If I want to get great, I have to practice greatness. I need to stop talking about it, but begin being about it.
I can’t continue to compare myself to those who practice their crafts on a regular. Maybe i’m focused on one too many things. Is it possible to have too many “passions”? How do you find your passion anyhow?
I once heard from some movie that the first thing you wake up thinking about is your passion. So, if the first thing you think about is singing, then singing is your passion. Well, the first thing i think about when i wake up is brushing my teeth….I must be on the wrong path.
There are just so many things as of lately that i want to begin doing to really legitimize and establish who i am. This wouldnt be for other people, but for myself. I really want to start reading more to gain more general knowledge. I also want to get back to writing poems and finally learn how to play my guitar that I’ve had since he 7th grade!
I also want to really take my theatre minor seriously. I’ve always loved being on stage along with music and I think i’m ready to commit. Besides being with my boyfriend, maybe i really do have a commitment issue. There are ust soooo many interests that I have that I would love to solidify.The only thing that i’m semi-focused on perfecting is my journalism skills and that’s probably the passion I’m least passionate in.
I’ve always loved fashion, but dont know shit about fashion designers. I love art, but dont have patience to finish a simple portrait. I once liked to read, but now i just want to know the ending so i just dont read at all. I love everything about music, but i dont have the perseverance to actually write my own material or fully get involved. I like photography, but I won’t seek assistance to get better.
The only thing that i’m semi-focused on perfecting is my journalism skills and that’s probably the passion I’m least passionate in. I never want to take the next step to become better, how will i ever evolve.
I honestly feel like college is getting in the way of what i really want to do. Why must i need college to be successful? The concept of selecting a career path when you’re 17/18 and sticking with it until you graduate is so annoying. By the time you realize what you really want to do, time and money has already been wasted. All of these classes, meetings and tuition is taking away from the time and expenses that could be used to making something out of myself.
Everyone seems to think that going to college is making something out of yourself, but i guess i wont know that until I graduate. I’m not sure if that made sense. I just feel like i’m stuck and i dont know when i’ll stop being lazy and just start doing things that’ll take me to the next level. Just like how there are personal trainers when you get in shape that motivate you to keep pushing to reach your desired weight, i need the same thing in life. I need someone to keep pushing me into the direction of my desired goals so I can be as successful as I hope to be. I probably need to just be that for myself.